a good man is hard to find.

...........and a hard man is good to find. lol.
things i learn from my galfriends, tania and fiona, when i am sitting around , drinking at the bar. my client, diana zoppa had a CD release party for the odd squad, they are a police related film office. they were the people who made that documentary of the vancouver east side, it was a pretty gritty national film board showing the effects of addiction on the neighbourhood. diana is a dynamo promoter and i was there with my friends in support.
hi steve. he wanted me to mention what a great guy he was, and so the above statement is really for him. he is teaching me to live in the moment, even though there is a part of me that doesnt want to start something with a man who will be leaving the province at the end of april. he is a wonderful dancer and you , who are my friends, know how much i love to dance. so lets dance.
well i got the computer and i got it out of the box. i am also running the teaching videos so that i can get the opening protocol. it is one thing to watch someone do it but it will be a lot of practice to get as good as tricia and mojan. i am humbled.
even with just the computer, i can feel the machine work. it is like the sci-fi shows when the transporter reads you and you wait to be transported onto the alien planet. i know that it is far fetched. you will have to experience the sensations to feel its work.
today, i am going to take alex to mandarin and work in the car on from the teaching videos. he is doing so well at mandarin, his teacher and his tutor love working with him. his characters are so beautiful.
tonight i will go to mary-jo's for a pot-luck. she has her crew from nelson, visiting and i hope we can all figure out how to learn together. these people are very much a part of m-j www.trinityyoga.net training school so there is much creativity in the mind/body field.
tonight , fiona wants me to go to an african dance at the anza hall. i hope that i will be ready for the late night. wish me luck. i think i may just pass as an option.
my yoga teacher, radhasri's last words today was to be mindful that this weekend is a full moon. to be careful , especially with the head. full moons are part of the lunar plane and that is why there is much craziness during this time of the month. this morning, she answered a question of pain. her answer was that pain is a sign that we are feeling. when we focus on it, it is apparent. when we fix on something else, the pain disappears. so it is the fickle mind that we have to discover.
i am discovering

the scio program has arrived.

the computer and the software system has arrived via fedex. i am so nervous that i wont open the box. it can wait till tomorrow when i take it to the center to be assembled. the scio is still enroute from europe.

days will blur.

i think i will get this down before it gets too busy to write. i can see that happening with work, alex and this new machine to learn.

today i went to complete my treatment. i sat in a chair and i did not try to learn anything. it was for me. improvement all around but still too acidic, will have to work on that. my resistance levels had doubled, improved since my first reading at the beginning of march. resistance is blockage that can impede circulation. it is probably related to my high blood pressure and my mercury toxicity. i have been having dmps shots to help remove the stored mercury. every two weeks for the last three months. i also take waiora's natural cellelar defence which also helps detoxifies heavy metals. i am hoping all that i am doing will one day allow my body to be well enough to be off hbp medication. the medication is very strong and in time will do liver and kidney damage.

one minute i was awake and after some panels and calibrations, i was very tired. every time he adjusted the computer, i would feel patterns of movement within my body. it was relaxing. i tried to daydream but i quickly lost even the act of trying. two hours later, i was finished and it took all i had to get home.
mojan mentioned at the end the kidneys were problematic. he worked mainly on the endocrine system. my hypothalamus which was an influence to my thyroid activity. i am at the age where all this does happen. many of my massage clients and girlfriends are all going through this chemical spiral of middle age.
the office has informed me that the computer is coming from Calgary. today i was informed that the scio has just left Hungary.
i am excited.
good night. sleep well.

a sunny day in Vancouver

that is big news. it has been extremely damp and i have been cranky.
i am in my liver (anger). watching it as it travels into spring. the outbursts. the needs. the outlashes. two weeks of galbladder flushes and now cousin liver is getting a kick start of expression.
i am very glad that the scio is coming. the email said that the computer is coming from Calgary by fed-ex and i am scared. it brings with it healing for me. it brings knowledge. it brings so much. i hope i am capable of reaching the levels of commitment it will take to get through this. i am very glad of my life. it is so interesting.
knowing to rest before a big event is a blessing. i have taught myself well.
i am so weird. i mixed myself a drink. tequila, lime, ice, green tea with stevia, mixed with cherry concentrate and water. it is passable and healthy. not many time i am driven to drink but the excitement and the dread is palpable.
today , joni 's stepmum, vanessa called. i was deeply honored. you see, joni needs your prayers. she held her arm up to protect herself from a car crash and she had the arm cut through, held on by the skin. the doctors have reconnected the arm and we all need to concentrate on it healing so that this lovely young girl has a chance to use it again. this happened in february, and funny thing was that i met her on new year's eve 2006. it is such a deep feeling, to hope to help. tricia is trying to help but she has her life in whistler and her people to see. so getting down here is going to be a juggle. now it will up to the gods to see if we can get this machine to her as soon as possible. like i said my computer and program is coming from calgary this week. the scio hookup is coming from hungary, it is the amplifyer, it doubles the capacity of the unit. joni has has a two month window so the sooner we can show her the system the faster she will see herself and learn more from all of this.
my friend www.mary-jo.com is another friend i wish this would get here yesterday for. she broke her neck about three years ago and has been feeling the pain of sitting long in her wheelchair. i think both of us, mary-jo and me, are going to be geniuses once we start learning. really this is the encyclopedia of the human condition and i am so happy and honored to be one of the recipients of its grand intentions and intelligence.
everything in my life has prepared me for this.
born into the family i was born into, living my life of sadness, illusions,learning all that i did from john martin. the teachers of whistler, the skiing, taking time out of the rat race so that i can skip through the rest. falling off a cliff in the grand canyon and living. the yoga teachers. the massage teachers. eating right. trying it all. the love of alex and the love of all of my friends.
i am honored.
this is the start of another............extreme adventure!

make friends with your pain.

it was in yoga class, last saturday, the final words from my yoga teacher to a student before i breezed out into the street. it felt good to be out, on my own.
it was home then out to do one client along the way before i drive up to whistler. gear everywhere. massage table, oil bag, skis, clothes. packed. it is getting to be a routine but there is always something that i forget.
alex is at his dads for the weekend.
i go ski. fortunately, i even get to work up there for 3 hours. invited to stay over. my room that i crashed in was bigger than my half my apartment. it was so nice.

seven in the morning. tricia has warned me that it would be busy cause of the downhill so i went solo to Blackcomb. i had a egg buritto and coffee. gotta live. by 8 am the sock store was open, forgot mine.

skiing has many bells and whistles. it reminds you of prior times but it keeps you in the moment. it has been about 5 years since i remember being on this hill. i use to live at the base of blackcomb, in the nineties. now ten years later, in spirit, i have the same wants and needs but will i in ten more, will i?
that first lift is always beginning, a recap of the past rides but the start of another day of fun.
then it was a blur, seventh heaven twice and then not liking the set snow. questing for the softer, more inviting snow. aha, spanky's ladder. boot kick 30 steps up a hill with your ski's balanced on your shoulder. okay , is is nothing for some but for me this is not the garden path. is my taste and practise for something gritty, more than green runs and lunch.
speaking about lunch. after a few runs down ruby bowl, i get to the bottom, into the town and go to the tratitoria, where my buddy jamie is the star lunch chef. he used to be my room mate ten years ago. he recaps his life and we laugh. he cooks me up a huge seabass and puts a lobster tail on it. pesto risotto, yum. he is an artist. Pisces ox. quite a catch , girls. it was awesome, thanks , jamie.

skied from 8.30am to 4pm with lunch stop and equipment failure repair. spanky's all day. around and around.
then i proceeded to meet my milestone.
get home and pick up alex at his dads. lets say that it did not end very well and all those pent up feelings of anger, paranoia and frustrations came to a head and i expressed myself for the first time since alex was born, that was 8 years ago. i am finally saying that all is not right in my world. i will live and say what i need to say. that is all i can say on this post. between you and me, i feel a lot better. thank god.
told alex that his dad may not call again. i hope alex will fine with that.
god help anyone who tries to date me. really, i will just say sorry now. lol.
today is another day, another day to deal with pain.
it is a beautiful day. enjoy your life. be real.

crying

it is amazing how strong i am. breaking my back, having a kid by myself. those two events have shaped me a lot. emotionally, physically and spiritually. to keep a smiley face and a positive outlook, i just jammed a lot of stuff into the dark. i think it is lucky that i found the scio but now i know that it is another part of me becoming clear about what i am and the real strength it will take to continue.
like i said yesterday, moe took the training session from one where he was to show me the machine to where he was flying through the treatment screens to rectify( to bring to balance) the numbers that showed high stress. it was very fascinating. nothing i have not seen in all the years of therapy, school and life experiences. he spotted that i have a perverse entity that was in the body. he found feelings that were associated to my pregnancy. anger, frustration ,repression. this is only the tip of the ice berg.
after two hours of treatment , he had to finalize the session. i would have to come back for the structural, the chachra and the nutrition screens. and that is not even the toxicology bio feed.
it is good to know. i like working on this level. i always have felt that there was a lid on me and i was constantly being smothered by all this pressure. . last night i had a long crying session. that was the indicator that this is the real stuff. you see, i don't cry. it is so suppressed that i never let it go. that is why i ski, and vacation. otherwise it would stay bottled up even deeper.
it is good to cry. the lucky people who can.
have a good day. in the Vancouver rain. cry.

scio training.

well last week, i was gung ho and made an appointment to get some more information about the scio. roger recommended i see moe. so today, i met moe and he was very informative.
training means that he is to show me the format of the machine but being an experienced biofeedback technician of one and a half years, he sees that i have some treatments that needed to be done. even now as i type i can see how effective it was to have the work done. my fingers are so much more easily to control and direct. there was so much information that i can barely remember it all. it was all pertinent. deep and effective for me. to state what i saw would do a disservice to the actualness of the system. just say this, it was brilliant and i am now breathing so much better with all the glitches being worked on so intensely and precisely. you will have to call me to find out what i can remember.
he set me up with the wires that makes the readings more effective but we don't need to do that to get a reading. then i sat back and let the machine take the biofeedback loop. once compiled, i knew my amperage, my voltage, my resistance, my hydration and my oxidation. then flying like the speed of a bullet, moe went from one screen to another. much faster than tricia, who has been on the machine only since january. i am looking forward to practicing this for the next five to ten years. can you imagine. i will had three years practice by the time the olympics arrive in 2010.
tomorrow, i will go and learn how to work a trade show for a few hours. it is that exciting. they need people to handle the volume of business this machine will generate in only the next few months in dubai and china.
so getting back to the training, and now treatment that moe is performing. i am so excited about getting my machine. when it is not your device the information cannot be studied at leisure and then cross index. i am so looking forward to doing my study, assessing and treatment at my own speed.
i strongly recommend you go and use the training center at byrne and s.w.marine drive in vancouver, near burnaby. the technicians are so much better to show you the bigger picture. i cannot wait for you to get from me. i want everyone to do it now and see the potential. there is even a new upgrade recently that is based on stem cells. www.quantumknights.ca
talk to selma to book you an appointment with moe. 604-434-4626
i'll get back to me now.

the whirlwind

good morning ,
it has been a great week.
yes, i did wake up last sunday and had to throwup some olive oil into the sink. i think i was too warm with the heater on and alex sleeping with me in the bed. even so, i was much more relaxed and calmer from the application of the oils on my nervous system. it was a good way to start my new year.
sunday, alex was at a birthday party for his little friend, nico. i stayed home to pack and get ready for a two day ski trip to whistler. we drove up after the party ended at 4 pm. i stayed with my friend tricia beauregard, who i have known for over ten years and she is the person who introduce me to this scio machine. i also lined up a three hour massage gig while up there for the next day after skiing.
the best thing about whistler is the ski school. alex is put into a class and then i have 6 hours to free ski. he loves the instruction and i love the ability to ski what i want at the speed i like. he is at a level 4, which is pretty darn good...i got to freeski with him the next day for a couple of hours and saw what he has accomplished this year.
since i was sick the last week and did my purge on saturday, i took my time and really had a day off on the hill. no rush. the upper mountain was shut down due to inclement weather. the base was raining hard. so the masses were stuck in the middle , grouped into the poplar lifts. since i am a lover of harsh conditions it was my kind of day. the snow was perfectly fine. in that it was not chunky. it was heavy fluff. i ranged out of the tourist lines into sections of the hill that was untouched due to the lack of viability, like i said, my favorite. it keeps me from seeing so i rely on my feet to know where i am. i had so many good runs that i really had to request myself take a lunch break.
that in itself was another story. let me tell you about it.
the lunchroom was crowded and there was one empty seat. so i asked the girls if it was taken and they gave me the chance to set my gear down. i went to get my noodle soup bowl and spotted a very striking blonde man,very gq. tight north face gear. i returned to my table and the aussie girls were chatting up with the striking young man across from my seat. whew. so i sat and ate and listened. the girls left to go to work and i was left alone with this londoner from south africa. it was nice to talk to some one who was male. i don't usually have opportunity to do so, cause i think i am shy at heart or i have a force field around me that does not allow them in. so i invited andrew to ski with me. he had said that he had only four times on the snowboard and i wondered if he was going to make it through the terrain i was to take him on. he was fine. we had three very good runs on the hill and i made a new Friend. i hope he had a good vacation this week. as i speak, the rain is thundering down, outside my window in vancouver so i know it is percipitating there too. hope it is good snow for whistler's sake.
i had to leave to pick up alex and we rushed to boston pizza to nosh. he was so pooped that he could only eat one slice of his pizza.
i am grateful that my business allows me to work in various locales. a big whistler home is a beauty to behold and my clients there have five kids so alex is well taken care of, he plays for three hours while i work on the parents. it is a good arrangement.
we went back to tricia's to have dinner. i think it is my lucky day because i get to watch 'dance with the stars'. it is so much fun to see people dance. makes me realize that with practice, i too could be that accomplished in ballroom.
tricia is out and when she returns, we talk about the next day. i have arranged for her to see my clients at one. so we can ski in the morning and then i can catch some of the scio's assessments of the mrs. she needs to know. a corporate wife with five children, who is searching for more energy.
we get up slowly. tricia is up at 7 am to get to fresh, untracked powder. i have a date with my son to ski with him. he is a great person and his skiing is o improved. we ski fast and he is doing quite well. we have set up the scio with the family. i mention them because it gives me hope that if i passes muster with mrs a, my future career in biofeedback will be smooth and very profitable.
i get back on the highway to vancouver at 2.15 pm and it takes us about 3 hours to get back to vancouver, with a stop at tim hortons and the weekly road closures of the sea to sky road improvements. really they are moving mountains for this new highway.
i drop alex off at home and drive to ubc to work on a couple of clients. it was a great day, long and full of enterprise.
the next day is alex's eighth birthday and i have the care of four boys. we were at the climbing gym. luckily one of the invited boys did not show ,so i was able to take his place and climb. i loved it. alex was tentative but by the end of two hours he was a spider. with ice cream and pizza in their bellies, i drop each off at their homes and i put alex back at the house and went off to work on another two clients.
it will be interesting when i get this scio business working. i think it will be very complimentary to what i am doing now. i am looking foreward to learning more. i talked to tina about not accepting any more manual clients in the future and developing the biofeedback. she was not very happy to think that i would not do massage but i assured her that she was grandfathered into the massage and that would continue. she was sweet.
that was that. now onto another day.

purpose:to be in this body.

i started my birthday in my usual fashion.
going to yoga at eight am. i study with radhasri at www.wanderingyogi.com.
she is very educated in yoga and gets very fustrated with long time students like me. i have not learnt well. i am one of those people who go diligently but do not develop a home study in the science of yoga. it keeps me healthy and fit like the gym but i never sink into the philosophy or really take responsibility for how i do yoga. it is fustrating to her and it is fustrating to me. so yesterday i asked myself to devote a deeper layer of me to my chosen study.

bear with me if i sound a bit like a student practiseing piano. small prana is upward motion of the vayus and it starts from the bottom of the ribs and channels the energies upward and apana is downward movement of the vayus from the bell to the legs/feet. it allows the breath to be pulled into the lungs. big prana is the energy that animates the body. without big prana, there would be no moving bodies.
well thats more than i usually remember. by the end of the class, some times i cannot even say i have a thought in my head, there is so much to know.
must be the a.d.d. that the scio machine (www.thequantumalliance.com)
said i had. which may explain a lot of things. i am determined to slow down and work my life. i am the ox, not the humming bird.

today is also close to the beginning of spring so i am doing my gallbladder (gb) cleanse. it is different from the liver (lv) cleanses that most people can do. i just dont have the time or the rest time to drink the lemon, cayenne, maple syrup mix. i wig out on the lack of food.
so about ten years ago a doctor of chinese medicine suggested this routine.
one day a week, for four weeks, i eat green apples all day long and just before bed i drink 2/3rd cup olive oil and 1/3 cup lemon juice. all organic, of course. the apples being green are calming to the liver/ gall bladder and is an astringent. the chemical reaction is to pull the toxins from the tissue to be flushed out. the olive oil makes the gb produce fresh bile which in turn flushes the old stock out. the oil actually calms my nerves and leaves my skin feeling moist. the best antedote for the winter blahs. the lemon juice being an alkaline producing and sour, makes the every piece of me pucker, which is a contraction that wrings more stuff out.
it is a bit of a chore getting the stuff down. i guess if i had an olive grove it would be a piece of cake but the yearly practise makes it freshly disgusting. i keep the room i am sleeping in, cool so that i don't overheat during the night. it takes me about an hour to get it all down. i sit upright for this so that it does not roll back up. i take a slug of olive oil and chase it with a swig of cold lemon juice. did i say, vile. this goes on in twenty minute durations between one drawl to another. by the end of an hour i have it all down and i go to bed. in the past i have woken up okay, refreshed and oiled from within. my skin looks so great after this treatment. there were times when i woke up wrenching the olive oil into the sink. it was not pretty. i guess in those years, i only managed to do three days. last year i did all four days.

wish me luck. this is only day one.

this is the first day of many days.

hi everyone,
this is the start of my book in progress.
keeping tabs on another page in my life.
today, i was tired and i respected that.
a lot has happened.
today i realized that it has been since 1992 that i fell off the cliff in the grand canyan.
i was very impulsive then .
life flashed before me. i wondered for a long time why i did not die that day. why with all the set backs and success that i am still around to deal with living.
this week, actually two weeks, all that has been answered.
to see the day when i would get this new lifefield called biofeedback.
yes i did spend 23 grand on a device that explains the human potential/condition.
i've been saying for a long time that when people are born they did not come out with a manual on operations. well i found the operations manual and i hope to learn from it every day, from now on. www.thequantumalliance.com

wait till you see it in action, it will blow your mind.
i'm getting on in the years.. though i love massage, i know that it is time to move on.
the best was the unconditional love my mother gave me when she heard about this expenditure. she said, you know what you are doing. i am just a old woman who who has never learnt. you are always getting the good things. go for it.
wow, she is a grand person.
she is so cool.
her garden is already producing the winter greens, we all know and love. the first sign that spring is around the corner. italian rabini. best parboiled to get the sweetness from the vegetable. i have been have bucketsfull with salad dressing or oil and garlic. vinegar is my staple now. no salt.
thats all.